How to understand why you are attracted to a specific type of person and recognize the principles of people’s behaviour you are interested in.
Sometimes it isn’t easy to understand a relationship. Sometimes you wonder why you are attracted to a particular type of person. Sometimes you ask yourself why someone lives with one person their whole life, and someone breaks their heart over and over again?
It’s all about attachment type. Formed in childhood, they often carry over to romantic relationships in adulthood, following the same pattern all the time.
1. Anxious-ambivalent attachment.
People with this type of attachment lack a stable relationship pattern. This means that they sometimes received too much attention and care in childhood, occasionally only rejection and emotional coldness. Growing up, a person with this type often experiences insecurity and tension in relationships. All-consuming love mixes with gusts of hatred, and passion grows into despair. In the morning, before coffee, he swears his love, and after coffee, declares his indifference. In general, dramas, soap operas, and theatrical scenes are practically guaranteed here. Full of emotional instability, these people are especially attracted to the owner of the next type of attachment – anxious-avoidant.
2. Anxious-avoidant attachment.
This attachment style occurs when a child received too little parental love and attention. As an adult, a person does everything to suppress the need for an emotional connection. They keep aloof as if they are on their own all the time. People with this attachment pattern usually tend to partner with an ambivalent type. This compensates for their emotional rigidity. However, this combination is fraught with pitfalls. If the uncertain partner feels neglected, they try harder to keep the relationship going. Such intense zeal leads the anxious-avoidant person to confusion and stampede.
3. Disorganized attachment.
The search for closeness and affection usually ends for this type with violence or trauma. Therefore, a disorganized person looking for close relationships always expects to be offended and rejected. People with this pattern usually have relationships with someone who has the same type of attachment. It feels like a constant fight to the point of madness. Incessant conflicts, physical violence, and mutual threats become a daily routine.
Finally, so that the world doesn’t seem so shocking and hopeless, a few words about stable attachment.
4. Secure attachment.
People from this pattern experienced the full range of love, security, and care in their childhood. Adults of this type are confident that they are loved and valued and act accordingly towards their partner. It’s not difficult for them to be in close and lasting relationships. They don’t run away, aren’t afraid, and don’t chase. They are just there with the love that they share. With them, you are always in safety.
As you can see, only the secure type of attachment promises “and they lived happily ever after.” Unstable attachment patterns are hard to change. Though, with the help of a specialist or through constant work on yourself, it’s possible to bring them as close as possible to a Happy End.